Moving on and finding a replacement might work for some people, but I needed to fill the already spreading emptiness with more of what I lost. I had read articles and books on Supernatural and enjoyed them ( Supernatural and Philosophy, In the Hunt, Family don't end in blood and more). So I went deeper and turned to academia. Found some interesting stuff, even dissertations. Unfortunately, not much on loss and trauma, which is weird. Supernatural is full of it.
Yes, I know how the Winchesters deal – they kill all the monsters. Never an option for me, or I'd be in prison, and in this case, there are no monsters. In therapy I learned to deal by taking a step back and regarding myself and my problems from a sober, scientific perspective. It works, at least for me. I didn't just want to be analyzed, but take an active part in it and find out what was going on in my head. So I read up on psychology and brain chemistry. What I was looking for in my research on Supernatural was an in-depth analysis of their trauma/ta, (complex)PTSD, dissociation and the like. No luck. The best I found was in Supernatural Psychology: Roads less traveled. A great starting point, but not satisfactory. Doesn't anyone want to write a PhD on 'Supernatural trauma' ?!
If you find it as unbelievable as I do that this title or book doesn't already exist, here' s proof: